my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
17 year olds will be the death of me.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
