Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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