im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
