And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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