96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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