I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
