Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
