I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
