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I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
