wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
