Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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