i may or may not be watching the land before time
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
