i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
