I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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