Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
