tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
