I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
