She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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