well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
