I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
