We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
