I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
