And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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