He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
