im drinking this country out of the recession.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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