watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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