a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
