mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
