Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You've changed since you got that strap on
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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