if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
