Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
