Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
