i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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