first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
