I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize