you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize