I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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