so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
