I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
