and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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