did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
