why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
