if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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