i may or may not be watching the land before time
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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