I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
