you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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