Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
bring money and cleavage
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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