I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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