why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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