my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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