At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
