Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
