OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
smell my finger.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
