Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize