we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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