Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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