Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize