I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
as a side note pls kill me
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