I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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